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In one of the most dramatic press conferences in recent history, the sitting president of the United States announced today that he has cancer. Now, traditionally, it’s the job of the White House physician to update the public on significant changes to the president’s health, but in a striking and honestly poignant break with protocol, Joe Biden decided to drop the bracing news himself. Here he is:
PRESIDENT BIDEN: That’s why I, and so damn many other people I grew up have cancer and why can’t–for the longest time, Delaware had the highest cancer rate in the nation.
I have cancer, Joe Biden said, and I got it from growing up in Delaware. And with that, Biden left the stage, taking no questions about his condition. What kind of cancer does Joe Biden have? What is his long-term prognosis and is Delaware really that bad? Parts of it are not beautiful. That is true, but can an entire state be a carcinogen? At this point, we can’t say.
We are hearing word tonight that Biden may have misspoken and rattled no doubt by the stress of his diagnosis. It is likely that, in fact, it’s not cancer Joe Biden is battling, but dementia. Simple mistake. We’ll get an update from our own in-house physician, Dr. Marc Siegel, in just a moment. But first, no matter what is wrong with Joe Biden, something clearly is, it has not prevented him from working to amass more power than any American president has ever had.
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Joe Biden approaches power the way J.B. Pritzker approaches the waffle station at a Shoney’s breakfast bar, with maximum enthusiasm. He snorts and slurps and splashes it on his shirt. He can’t get enough. Joe Biden’s latest idea is that he personally is the only branch of government in the United States. No more separation of powers. Joe Biden has all the power. If the Congress, the Supreme Court does something that Joe Biden doesn’t like, he gets to simply ignore it and then do what he wants to do and he can do this because it’s an emergency.
There’s no time for democracy. We’ve got an emergency on our hands and naturally, only Joe Biden can solve it. We don’t have enough abortions. It’s an emergency. You’re not wearing a mask alone in your car. It’s an emergency. Your kids aren’t trans yet. It’s an emergency and of course, the emergency to top all emergencies, the climate crisis, which is a kind of ongoing thousand-year emergency, and for that reason, very much existential, whatever that means, but trust us, it is bad and the only solution to it is to hand Joe Biden more power.
At an event today, Biden explained the details. Since Congress has officially rejected his attempt to take over our country’s energy grid and plunge America into well-deserved darkness, Joe Biden will have to do it himself unilaterally. Now, how is that constitutional, may I ask? Come on. You know the answer, “because it’s an emergency, dummy.”
It turns out that because Congress rejected Joe Biden’s bill and also because Fox News exists, Americans are dying by the millions from bad weather, which apparently this planet has never seen before, because actually the glaciers were not real. They never happened. That’s an Alex Jones thing. What is real is existential climate change. Thankfully, Joe Biden is going to save you from it. Watch.
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BIDEN: Today I’m making the largest investment ever. $2.3 billion to help communities across the country build infrastructure that’s designed to withstand the full range of disasters we’ve been seeing up to today—extreme heat, drought, flooding, hurricanes, tornadoes.
Now, he slurred the words maybe because, as we told you, he has cancer, but if you listen carefully, you heard today that because of climate change for the first time in history, it’s going to be hot and then it’s going to rain hard.
You did that, Republicans, with your two stroke chainsaws and your damn Ford F-150. Shame, shame, shame. It’s like you didn’t know it was going to happen. It’s not like you weren’t warned. Back in 1989, a senior official at the United Nations told the world that “entire nations could be wiped off the face of the earth by rising sea levels if the global warming trend is not reversed by the year 2000.” So, you knew when you did it, when you got your Suburban. Look what happened now. Those were once thriving beach towns. Now they’re dive sites. People are snorkeling over Malibu, looking down at Prince Harry’s house. Here’s one of Barack Obama’s beachfront compounds. As you can see, it’s now underwater.
But wait, it’s not underwater. Actually, it’s fine and Obama knew it would be fine. In fact, Obama spent more than $10 million to buy it and that tells you how much he believes in global warming. Not at all, it turns out.
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Actually, no one really believes in global warming and that’s why all the liberals in the United States live on the coasts, because they don’t believe it. That’s why many of them fly private, because the entire theory is absurd and they know it.
So, be more like a dog. Ignore what they say. Watch what they do. Watch the real estate they buy. See if you can find Al Gore flying commercial ever. You can’t because the whole thing is a joke, but that doesn’t mean it can’t hurt people. Oh, it definitely can and it definitely has. Gasoline is now unaffordable for millions of Americans. That’s a life destroyer. That affects everything in the country.
When the price of fossil fuels rise, so does the price of everything else. That’s a life destroyer and it’s not accidental. The administration did this on purpose, and now they’re gloating about it. They’re rubbing it in your face. Can’t afford to drive your truck anymore?”, sneers our transportation secretary Mayor Pete,” Then it looks like you’re going to have to buy a little electric car. Sorry.
PETE BUTTIGIEG: The more pain we are all experiencing from the high price of gas, the more benefit there is for those who can access electric vehicles.
Electric vehicles? So, what is an electric vehicle? What do those little electric cars have to do with climate change? Well, that’s a good question. Turns out there is a connection. Electric cars promote climate change. Oh, did you know that? Did you know that you can’t charge an electric car with a wind farm? How do you charge them? You charge them with fossil fuels. That’s also how you build them – with fossil fuels. It’s pretty funny.
Last month, a GM spokesperson, along with an executive from a Michigan utility, kind of let the secret out. Watch this.
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KRISTIN ZIMMERMAN, GENERAL MOTORS: The battery in this particular design has a T-shape right down the center and across the back seat area. Everybody thought we killed the electric vehicle, no we didn’t, it’s alive and well.
REPORTER: So, what’s charging the batteries right now? What’s the source?
KRISTIN ZIMMERMAN, GENERAL MOTORS: Well, here. It’s coming from the building.
REPORTER: I mean, is it, what our mix of power?
KRISTIN ZIMMERMAN, GENERAL MOTORS: Oh, actually, Lansing feeds the building.
REPORTER: What’s that?
KRISTIN ZIMMERMAN, GENERAL MOTORS: Lansing feeds power to the building, so I don’t know. I bet they’re a bit of coal, ah they’re heavy on natural gas aren’t they?
REPORTER: Right now, the car charging off of your grid?
PETER LARK, LANSING BOARD EXEC: It would be charging off our grid, which is 90, about 95% coal.
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Someday, let’s hope historians find that tape and then just savor it, get a beer, get a whole six pack and watch it again and again and again. The spokes chick from the car company was asked, “Impressed by your battery, but how do you charge it?” She goes “from the building. Charge comes from the building. You just plug it into the socket.” But where does the electricity come from?
She has no idea. “We have a battery. There is a battery in here. It’s a battery.” So, then they ask the utility guy, where’s electricity come from? Oh, from a coal plant. So, you charge your little electric car that Mayor Pete wants you to buy with coal, and then you feel virtuous.
So, really, if you think about it, it’s no wonder they tell you that the science is settled and you’re a denier, you’re immoral if you have questions because there’s really no defending the details, most of which, as you just saw, they don’t understand. How does the electric car get charged? Oh, from the building, which is not a power plant, for the record. It’s just a building with an outlet.
So today, Joe Biden didn’t answer any questions about where the energy is coming from. In fact, he told us there’s no time for debate because it’s an emergency.
BIDEN: The UN’s leading international climate scientists call the latest climate report nothing less than, “code red for humanity.” Let me say it again, “code red for humanity.”
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“Let me slur it again. Sorry, I’ve got cancer. Code red for humanity.”
And actually, he’s right, but not in the way that he intends. If Biden and other leaders throughout the West, not just elected ones, but the NGO community, continue to do what they’ve done for the past 20 years and suppress fossil fuels, it will be a code red disaster. Millions of people will starve to death. Billions of people will drop into poverty. Unlike rising oceans, that effect is guaranteed,.
But Joe Biden doesn’t care, assuming he knows. He’s not going to be here for that anyway. His new executive order will spend more than $2 billion on wind power in the Gulf of Mexico. How much energy does a windmill produce? No, not how much can it produce, how much does it produce and where does it go? Just for fun, if you have a day free, try to get an answer to that question. You can’t. No one asks. No one cares.
Biden is also ordering the Secretary of the Interior to “advance clean energy development all over the country,” which means pay off his donors, of course. That means more electric cars, solar panels, etc., etc.. So, who benefits from this? That’s always the first question. Well, of course, Democratic donors benefit. They’re getting rich from this, but who makes all this stuff? Well, China makes almost all of it. China makes 76% of the world’s lithium-ion batteries. China makes 75% of the world’s solar panels. China makes virtually all of the world’s wind turbines. Seven of the world’s ten biggest wind turbine manufacturers are based in China.
So that means China will have control of our energy grid. If you control a country’s energy grid, you control that country. It’s really simple. On CBS recently, Joe Biden’s energy coordinator, Amos Hochstein, explained why that’s a good thing.
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COORDINATOR ON ENERGY SECURITY AMOS HOCHSTEIN: We can have additional American investment in climate, renewable energy, electric vehicles. Why wouldn’t we want to do that? Why wouldn’t we want to make, to create an environment in which China is ahead of us? The rest of the world is making the investments, and we’re not. We want to be able to put the kind of incentives that there will be additional investment in the infrastructure for renewable energy, for solar, for wind and for electric vehicles and for a nuclear fleet in this country. That’s how we get to climate.
Look at that little sleazeball. Oh, yeah. Got to hand China control of our energy grid, the biggest, the most efficient in the world, the country with the world’s largest recoverable oil reserves – that would be the United States of America. But we can’t use any of that. We have to give China control of our energy, which is to say, of our country, of our economy. The world is making investments, so we’re being left behind.
Okay. Well, the rest of the world has gone deeper into the Green Delusion than we have, none of which helps the actual environment, by the way, in case you care about nature. Nature is not helped by any of this. But the rest of the world has been a lot more eager than the United States to dive right into the Green New Deal. So, how has that worked for them? We can’t say this enough. It has been an unqualified disaster.
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In the first quarter of this year, just a few years after the Berlin Senate declared a climate emergency, so-called renewables accounted for 50% of all German electricity consumption. So, what happened next? Well, Germany can’t keep the lights on and is very worried about winter coming.
As The Washington Post put it, “Hamburg landlords are rationing hot water. Berlin may turn off nonessential traffic lights at night.” Oh, no traffic lights. Oh, that’s a civilized country. How’s that working for you? In Great Britain, no country has ever evaporated faster in world history than that one, but in the U.K., more than 90% of the population lives in a place where local authorities have just declared a climate emergency.
Now they have more urgent emergencies, it turns out, actual emergencies, back here in the physical, not theoretical world where we need, like traffic lights and power that comes out of the outlet. There are real emergencies. In April, the British government announced that the number of households in the UK living in “fuel poverty” now stands at 5 million.
Oh, this isn’t wartime rationing. The blitz is over. This is right now in 2022. How about Argentina? In 2019, Argentina’s government declared a climate emergency, even though, unlike China or India, it’s not really contributing to global carbon emissions. Argentina produces about 1% of global carbon emissions. But they did it anyway because it seemed like the fashionable thing to do, plus ESG. “We’re modern. We’re against climate.”
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Well, today, what happened? Argentina is experiencing, well, there’s no other way to put it, collapse. The collapse was not caused by a half-degree rise in average temperatures in the non-Patagonian continental area. No, it was caused by what is always caused by: spiking energy costs which cause inflation. Inflation is now over 60% in Argentina. Argentina is now too broke to function.
“Access to fertilizers and diesel is urgent to avoid complete paralysis,” a farmers group in Argentina wrote to the government recently. Wait, farmers don’t have access to fertilizers? What? How can you grow things without fertilizer? Well, fertilizer isn’t environmentally friendly, and we’ve got a climate emergency, so no fertilizer for you. Oh, except that means no food and then people starve. That happened in Sri Lanka, as we’ve told you repeatedly. We can’t say this enough. In Sri Lanka, the government banned all fertilizers. As a result, food prices are up by 80%. In a poor country, that’s not a small thing. Again, people starve.
Has John Kerry contributing to the food bank in Sri Lanka? No, of course not. He’s bombing often his own plane to another global warming conference. How about the Netherlands? A rich country, the world’s second largest ag exporter in the name of climate, in 2019, the European Parliament declared a—wait for it—climate emergency in the Netherlands.
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So, the government forced farmers there to cut livestock by 50% because cow flatulence…Sandy Cortez has actually done a TikTok on this, I think. Cow flatulence, huge problem. So, we need what the EU called an unavoidable transition. What happened then? Oh, riots. Our leaders are telling us we need the same thing here.
It’s a climate emergency. It’s code red. You have no choice and they mean it and you don’t get to vote on an either because they’re so for democracy that they’re going to force it down your throat with no vote at all. What happens next? Well, poverty, chaos, and then the lights go out.